Arbitrary Frustrations…

1 Oct

Arbitrary Frustrations: The Act of finding everyday things frustrating…

I hope no one minds if I take a moment to just blog. I’m frustrated. Nine months I have been at the art of writing and it doesn’t seem to get any easier. I’ve improved a tremendous amount since the beginning when it seemed I couldn’t get anything straight. Since, I’ve purged five books from my imagination, rushing to learn better grammar, better story lines, and even then, I’m faced with more challenges. What does it take to make a break? What does it take to reach that tipping point?

I was drying my hair yesterday, and I abruptly stopped halfway through. I was tired of drying my hair, tired of the same foods: fajitas, pasta, fajitas, pasta… I’m tired of the same coffee at eight a.m. and the same glass of wine at five. Something’s gotta give, I thought.

Trying to make it as a writer is like trying to throw a dart at God’s cork board, the size of the sky… and lets face it, I’m not very good with darts… And then I try to think, you’ve only been at this nine months, give it time. Ha ha. Exactly. It’s my nature to get frustrated and be impatient, and in the end I guess it’s my test. I have a hard time with routine, with grinding away. For me though, it seems the more frustrated I get and the more creatively squeezed, the better the stories get. Perhaps that’s the point. In a way, I fear I’ll slack if I do make it someday, but then again, knowing me and the fact that I write because I love it, that would never happen. What frustrates me isn’t money or fame ( I have social anxiety) because in the end that’s not what makes me happy, not even close, it’s the fact that I want to get my stories out to more people. I want to touch more lives. Every time I have a young fan approach me/email me, I get all gooshy, I get happy! That’s what I want, I want to know I did something that can be left behind, that could possibly change a generation… in that lies my frustration…

Anyway 🙂 I feel better now

A.E.

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One Response to “Arbitrary Frustrations…”

  1. Jessica October 1, 2009 at 4:09 pm #

    I feel your pain…you’re a lot farther along than me, though 🙂

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