Dear Football… I hate you… Wait, wait, wait… I really hate you.

7 Nov

Yeah. Can I explain my anger toward football??


I hate you right now, wanna know why? Because. Just this year do I finally decide that I could love you, and yet you let me down like this? You suddenly have so many of those men, those refs, constantly checking you out, “official review.” HA, right. Official review MY ARSE! Get over yourselves and get back in the game, really.

And you, you Washington State Football teams, who do you think YOU are?? Huh? You suck. I wouldn’t say that if I knew you tried, but you won’t. Wait, no… you REFUSE to try. TRY HARDER. 

Except you, Toby Turpin, it’s like you’re the only one on the field… Good for you.

I want to see some trick plays. I want to see some returns for ninty yards. I mean, heck! I’d like to see a touchdown! Is it really so hard?

It is because of this lack of love that I must leave you. I know our affair was short and sweet, but you have let me down for the last time. Besides, you suck in bed, on the field.

I hope the future grants you more success, and the best of luck to you…





2 Responses to “Dear Football… I hate you… Wait, wait, wait… I really hate you.”

  1. sandysays1 November 9, 2009 at 4:37 am #

    You just need to get someone to explain the game to you. Let me impart a some canine football smarts.
    I’ll start with a little terminology.
    “Quick Pitch.” – The line a jock (football player) uses on a pertty chick at a singles bar.
    “Safety Invert” – A player with an unusual nipple condition.
    “Red Dog.” – A jock that owns an Irish Setter.
    “A Stack.” – The jocks objective when dating.
    “Pass Pattern.” – Fake ticket used to smuggle dates and drinking buddies into the stadium.
    “Quarterback.” – Player with a tiny butt.
    “Fullback.” – Player with a mighty big ass.
    “Tailback.” – Player fortunate enough to have canine blood lines.
    “Eagle.” – A bird. Sometimes jocks over-complicate things.
    “Split End.” – Aaaaaa. You can figure that one out. Jocks are gross.
    “Screen Play.” – Written for movies. I don’t know why jocks have any interest in these.
    “Safety.” – Simple, a condom.
    Glad I could help. Don’t give up on football. Or footballers, Sandy
    visit me at

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